I seriously toed with an idea of writing an obituary of a Christmas card... however, realised that it will make very glum read for this festive issue (but please, do post a few so they don’t become completely extinct).
Better let’s talk about something more cheerful. Say, parties, for instance. Or rather certain unsavoury types that one inevitably encounters during this frantic circuit of the obligatory get-togethers.
Most noteworthy breeds are Snobs, Bores, and English Eccentrics, je pense.
Neither are as scary as they seem (perhaps former two only are best to be avoided, but the latter should be eagerly embraced). In any case, if you have some background knowledge (and that’s were I come in, mes amies), it will be just a plain sailing... or rather skating (considering the season) to tackle either of them.
Where was I? Oh, yes... let’s start with the Snobs. In my view, they should be pitted rather that feared, seeing that they all suffer from CSED (Chronic Self-Esteem Deficit). So you see, by intimidating others, the Snobs try to elevate their own social superiority. They might claim to be the guardians of civilisation and ‘le bon ton’, but judging someone merely by their post-code, accent, schooling or where they went on holiday, in my humble opinion, is nothing of the sort. Trust me, they are not worth your effort, because, if you don’t fit into their notional bracket, nothing will alter their disdain and they will remain moored at the port of so called “Social Standards” tenaciously blind to your personal charms, bright and engaging personality and exquisite sense of humour (which most of them evidently lack). Just remember, that the snobbier the person, the more socially insecure he is. So, with a polite nod, leave them bask in the rays of their own self-importance, and move on.
Alors, just try not to stumble upon one of those Bore-types. However, it is easier said than done, as SD (Social Dullness) is a virus widely spread amongst certain professional individuals. I suppose, they spend all their time in front of a computer screen, so their world-outlook squares down to 1024x768. Quelle dommage. Well, if you find yourself cornered by one of those, let me give you a few tips of how to escape. You can always try to park them with some other unsuspecting victim (but in my opinion it is a very uncharitable behaviour), or excuse yourself to to get a drink, or start stomping around hinting at your desperate need “to powder your nose”. However, my favourite and most amusing way to tackle them is to interrupt abruptly with an artistic glee of “Oh, how fascinating, it reminds me of a very similar story/occurrence/incident”.... and start waffling on a completely unrelated, fist-chewing-boring subject. Mark my word, give them less than two minutes and they themselves will declare to be dying from thirst or plead a loo emergency.
And so, as not waist anymore time, go and roam the room for some jolly Eccentrics. They are usually easy to spot, and not only by the flamboyant or dandyish appearance, but by their radiant individualism, delicious nonconformity and a touch of mysterious feyness. It would be befitting to mention here, that England has a rich history of “breeding” eccentrics. You see, in old days, being a dullard was considered a much graver crime than being an eccentric.
Sadly, in these times of imagination killing smartphones and individuality crushing political correctness, society perceives eccentricity as something bordering on a mental illness. Big mistake, huge! Aside from nurturing individuality, unleashing ones hidden-eccentricity, is the best way to put both the Bores and the Snobs into their place!
Bon courage et Joyeux Noël!
Madame Marachand ‘s guidance and instructions have been depicted by our columnist Aistè Anusaitè-Daubaras.