While writing this article, I couldn’t forget the lyrics from Alphaville’s song: “Forever young, I want to be forever young.” Today, the desire to reach a hundred and beyond while keeping body, mind, and soul vibrant aligns with lifestyle movements like biohacking. The drive to separate ageing from age, stay youthful, and break societal stereotypes prompts us to ask important questions. Is the idea of “Forever Young” about strong genes, inner philosophy, or deliberate efforts to reach old age with vitality shining from our eyes? We discussed longevity with three Lithuanians, experts in the fields: Gediminas Baltulionis, Ph.D. in Biological Engineering and a researcher; Ernesta Remouchamps, psychologist and psychotherapist; and Gabija Toleikyte, Ph.D. in Neuroscience, business, and career coach.

Interview by VIOLETA BUDREVIČIŪTĖ

ERNESTA REMOUCHAMPS – psychologist and psychotherapist, founder of psichologe.eu a member of the Lithuanian Psychoanalytic Society. With a wealth of experience in psychological counselling, Ernesta specialises in individual and couples therapy and is an advocate of cognitive psychotherapy.

What topics in psychological counselling interest you most?

I’ve been practising psychological counselling and psychotherapy since 2005. I worked extensively with children and families early in my career, but since 2010, I’ve focused more on adult psychotherapy. Given that our beginnings are so intertwined with relationships, I emphasise my work on exploring both inner (with oneself) and outer (with others) relationships.

I’m curious: do you frequently encounter clients who fear ageing? In your view, what most concerns those who have crossed into older age?

The younger a person is, the more possibilities they feel they have. Today, there’s a growing belief that each new day opens a fresh page full of limitless potential. This makes the divide between young and old seem vast, mysterious, and even unknowable. During sessions, clients often say things like, “I don’t want to grow old,” or “I’d rather die at 40.” The younger a person, the stronger the fear of ageing. For some, ageing represents a loss of freedom and opportunity. Young people often feel like powerful creators of their lives. Older people (40+) speak differently – they feel more dependent on others and are more focused on creating and maintaining partnerships, realising that life is built together with others. People of advanced age worry more about their own and loved ones’ health and the fear of loss, including the fear of being left alone or dying alone.

The idea of “Forever Young” can be seen as a philosophy of staying vibrant and active. Do you think this mindset is a strong motivator for sustaining youthful energy, or is it more a subtle resistance to ageing, even a form of psychological immaturity? Have you encountered cases where a young person feels old and an older person feels full of life?

Ageing can be explained from biological, psychological, and social perspectives. Typically, when we think about a person’s age, we focus on the number of years lived, or chronological age. But chronological age alone doesn’t capture everything. The concept of "Forever Young" relates more to a person’s psychological age. Even in retirement, some people still feel spiritually young, while others seem old already. This often depends on one’s activity level, social connections, and relationship to their capabilities: “Can I still do it, or can’t I anymore?” Those who feel old often suffer from poor health, apathy, low mood, lack of purpose, and feel “incapable,” which can lead to self-blame.

Another interesting aspect here is that a person can be old age but feel childlike, a phenomenon called psychological infantilism. Ideally, as people age, they develop wisdom, confidence, and inner peace from life experiences. If an individual hasn’t reached these qualities and still reacts childishly (though this can have its own charm), they may feel helpless and try to compensate in various ways. To me, ageing is a process of becoming “Other” – a journey through which one faces the challenges of acceptance, letting go, and growth. Only by acknowledging our limitations can we learn new things. While we may wish to stay “forever young and alive,” sadly, no one has achieved that.

Do you think stereotypes around age groups are common in society? For example, how people are expected to act or look at a certain age?

Stereotypes exist for every age group and are created by previous generations. For example, a common stereotype for older women is the expectation that they take on the role of a grandmother (staying at home and caring for grandchildren). Family traditions and values are shaped by the historical context of a country and each individual’s life experience. Beliefs and attitudes are passed down from generation to generation, creating certain stereotypes. In counselling, I notice a specific tendency among older clients: many still see seeking help from a psychologist as a sign of illness.

People sometimes overlook mental health, but nowadays, they eagerly try to rejuvenate their physical appearance: they invest in plastic surgery, expensive treatments, and products that promise youth. What drives this?

Each of us has a relationship with ourselves, and self-worth is formed in childhood through our relationships with others. If children are criticised or face high expectations, they may grow up searching for a “better version” of themselves, feeling inadequate as they are. This internal sense of inadequacy is often outwardly compensated to ease discomfort. Both young and older people undergo cosmetic procedures, believing that changing their appearance will improve how they feel. Unfortunately, in many cases, this has a similar effect to alcohol: a short-lived fix, after which the desire for more returns.

Why do people fear death?

People fear anything they don’t understand and cannot predict or explain. Death remains one of the most mysterious subjects. Accepting uncertainty and the unknown is a significant challenge for humanity. There are a few factors that can either ease or complicate our approach to death:

People who hold religious beliefs or practice a particular faith tend to fear death less. They find comfort in a symbolic understanding (within religious philosophy) of what awaits after death. This “knowledge” soothes and reassures them.

Similarly, those who feel they’ve lived a meaningful life and can look back and say, “I’ve lived fully,” also tend to fear death less. They feel at peace with themselves and the world, so leaving life doesn’t feel like a barrier to unfulfilled dreams. As people age, physical abilities decline, and they become more aware of their limitations. For those who struggle with accepting these limitations, the idea of a time when they can do nothing at all is terrifying.

What do you think helps a person stay psychologically young and active?

Older adults' essential tasks are moving, learning, and loving. Moreover, as long as someone is engaged in activities they enjoy, the ageing process feels less noticeable. Every person, regardless of age, needs connection. So, as people grow older, relationships become even more important, reducing loneliness (a feeling strongly experienced by the elderly) and increasing engagement. This, in turn, boosts motivation to keep going and live longer.

Where and how do you see yourself in old age?

It’s hard to say, as I honestly don’t know, and I allow myself the freedom of not knowing. I observe my own changes; thankfully, they don’t frighten me. In my 20s, I admired youthful beauty and loved spring; now, in my 40s, I find silver-haired men and women with a few wrinkles the most beautiful, and my favourite season is autumn. I listen closely to my body, trying to interpret every signal it sends. I believe our bodies “speak” to us frequently. So, by paying attention, I ensure I check in with myself and stay active. Over time, I’ve begun taking better care of myself and focusing less on “building a career.” I feel freer, more interested in creativity, and more responsible for my life and the lives of those around me. It’s said that aging gracefully is an art. I believe ageing happens every day, as it’s a natural process. The art lies in observing, accepting, and highlighting the beauty of each moment. I imagine that by 50+, I may have lost certain things, refined others, and perhaps even discovered something entirely new about myself.

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